Sweet 16

My stupid party wasn’t even that stupid.

*licks lips*

I got ace pressies! And insha’Allah I will get my trial lenses on my appointment on Friday!

Also, my My Weird and Abnormal Cousin S’s dad forced me to take a picture with him. It was highly embarrassing. And NO I WILL NOT POST THOSE PICTURES! (I know you were thinking it, don’t try denying it!)

Love, Falak

Ohmybloodyheck

Okay, Sister Number 2 got sent this forward in an email and I thought it was just hilarious! Please read and laugh ya bums off!

It’s great to be a bloke because…

• Your bottom is never a factor in a job interview.
• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• You never feel compelled to stop a friend from getting laid.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• You couldn’t give a sh#t if someone notices your new haircut or not.
• Hot wax never comes near your pubic area.
• Wrinkles add character and grey hair looks distinguished.
• Your orgasms are always real.
• You don’t have to leave the room to make emergency crotch adjustments.
• People never glance at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• The occasional well-rendered burp is practically expected.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• Not liking a person does not preclude having great sex with them.
• Your mates can be trusted never to trap you with “So, notice anything different?”
• You can appreciate great sport.
• You can throw a ball more than 5 feet.
• A weekend break requires only one suitcase.
• If another guy shows up at the party in the same outfit, you just might become lifelong friends.
• You can open all your own jars.
• Dry cleaners and hairdressers don’t rob you blind.
• You can go to a public toilet without a support group.
• You can leave a hotel bed unmade.
• You can kill your own food.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you to something, they can still be our friend.
• If you are 34 and single, nobody notices.
• Everything on your face stays its original colour.
• You can quietly enjoy a car ride from the passenger’s seat.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You don’t have to clean your house if the electricity meter reader is coming.
• You can sit in silence watching a football game with your friend for hours without ever thinking “He must be mad at me.”
• You can drop by to see a friend without having to bring a little gift.
• You don’t have to shave below your neck.
• Your belly usually hides your big hips.
• You are not expected to know the names of more than five colors.
• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes, one color, all seasons.
• You can “do” your nails with the kitchen scissors.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a moustache.
• Christmas shopping can be accomplished for 25 relatives, on December 24th, in 45 minutes.
• The world is your urinal.

It’s great to be a girl because…

• We got off the Titanic first.
• We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
• We get to flirt with systems support men who always return our calls and are nice to us when we blow up our computers.
• Our boyfriend’s clothes make us look elfin & gorgeous.
• Guys look like complete idiots in ours.
• We don’t need 14 pints to make us admit we love our friends and family.
• We can be groupies. Male groupies are stalkers.
• We can cry and get off speeding fines.
• Men die earlier, so we get to cash in on the life insurance.
• We don’t look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
• Free drinks, Free dinners, Free movies (you get the point).
• We can hug our friends without wondering if she thinks we’re gay.
• We can hug our friends without wondering if WE’RE gay.
• New lipstick gives us a whole new lease on life.
• It’s possible to live our whole lives without ever taking a group shower.
• No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival The Speedo.
• We don’t have to fart to amuse ourselves.
• If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
• We can congratulate our team-mate without ever touching her ass.
• If we have a zit, we know how to conceal it.
• We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
• We can never have too many clothes or too much jewelry.
• If we’re dumb, some people will find it cute.
• If we’re drunk some people will find it cute.
• We can drink nice flavored alco-pops without people calling us wimps.
• We have the ability to dress ourselves.
• We can talk to people of the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
• If we marry someone 20 years younger, we’re aware that we look like an idiot.
• We can spend a fortnight’s salary in one shopping trip without guilt.
• We can admit we’re lost and ask for directions.
• Our friends won’t think we’re weird if we ask whether there’s spinach in our teeth.
• Gay waiters don’t make us uncomfortable.
• We’ll never regret piercing our ears.
• We can fully assess a person just by looking at their shoes.
• We don’t have to pretend to understand bizarre sporting rules.
• As long as there is chocolate we have a reason to live.

*laughs hysterically*

PS. To the person who wrote this, I apologise for nicking it but I honestly don’t know who you are else I would thank you and post a link and stuff. If  you want me to take it down then please leave a comment and I will do so. Ace list, by the way.

Love, Falak

Apparently…

…I is an exclamation point. I know! So cool, na? I found the quiz first on Marahm’s blog and then on Souvenirs and Scars. I decided to take it and here is the result!

You Are An Exclamation Point

You are a bundle of… well, something. You’re often a bundle of joy, passion, or drama. You’re loud, brash, and outgoing. If you think it, you say it. Definitely not the quiet type, you really don’t keep a lot to yourself. You’re lively and inspiring. People love to be around your energy. (But they do secretly worry that you’ll spill their secrets without even realizing it.) You excel in: Public speaking You get along best with: the Dash

I completely disagree with the public speaking thing. I is absolutely rubbish at that. I was once forced into reading something out at the last assembly of the previous school year and I shook so much that my sister’s friend (who was in the crowd) asked her, “Does she need to go to the hospital?” *throws dark looks at sister’s friend*

Anyway, whaddya think? Is I an exclamation mark? Hmm, you know, I think I can be at times, but then I get really moody and silent and just shut down. I am quite moody. But yeah, sometimes I can be.

Also,  one is turning 16 tomorrow (30th December). I thought I was turning 16 today but that was because the computer said yesterday was the 29th when it was really the 28th. Stupid thing.

My Weird and Abnormal Cousin S rang me the other day at 11 o’ clock in the morning (whilst I was in bed SLEEPING) and asked me what I wanted from town. This is how the conversation went:

Me: (drowsily) Salamu ‘alaikum?
S: (pause*) Falak, do you want anything from town?
Me: S? What?
S: I’m in town, do you want anything?
Me: S, I’m flipping sleeping!
S: Do you want anything?
Me: (sigh) Look, just gemme a book.
S: Oh right. (Pause.) My mum’s getting you lenses.
Me: What lenses? Contact lenses?
S: Yeah
Me: Oh. Cool.
S: Oh right, I’m off then.
Me: ‘Kay. Bye.
S: (dial tone)

I was half-dead throughout that phone call, and when it was over I just snuggled back into my warm, warm bed.

PS. I will not be blogging all that much for the next few weeks ’cause I’ve got three exams…yes, you read that right, THREE EXAMS! And I need to revise.

PPS. Revision sucks so bad.

*S never replies to salaams. Ha ha.

Love, Falak