Well that’s…bizzare

I learnt the weirdest thing about my little brother today. (That’s Brother Number 1, by the way.)

Apparently, there was an eclipse…or a chaudvi da chand (erm, my transliteration is really bad, and I’m not even sure if eclipse and chaudvi whatsit is the same thing. But whatever, there was one of those) when my mum was pregnant with him (ew) and, according to my Tai and my Phuppo Number 4, pregnant women are not supposed to do any housework during that time because it affects the baby, so she’s just supposed to sit and do nothing, but my mum did not heed this (absurdly weird) advice, and she did some chores. Or something.

Anyway, as a result of her having done some chores whilst she was pregnant and there was a chaudvi da chand/eclipse, my brother has a funny looking nose.

My brother’s nose looks like someone squished it with their hand and it moulded into this bizarre looking shape in the middle of his face. I originally thought that his nose got like that because when he was a kid he stuffed a stone up it (HAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!) and he had to go to the hospital to get it removed, so the funny shape is just the indents of the stones. But apparently not! (But the stone story is absolutely true, I swear! We make fun of him all the time!)

I asked my Phuppo Number 4 if the eclipse thingy was true or a cultural myth thingy, and she’s all, “Yeah, of course it’s true!” I asked her if it was scientifically proven and she said yes. Erm, okay then.

Then my grandma started going on about how “sona” he is. HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA! Warra not true. I love my brother and all (deep, deep, deep down. Somewhere) but he is not sona! Granny goes (in punjabi, but I can’t be bothered transliterating it, so I’m just gonna type it in Angreyzi), “He’s so beautiful, when he laughs he’s cheeks go up and his eyes sparkle!” My Tai and I looked at each other and burst into peals of laughter. “She’s in love with him!” I exclaimed. Tai giggled and said, “I think so!” “Eh, na,” Granny went on. “Sometimes when he laughs you can’t even see his eyes cause they’re so tiny.” We just laughed even more.

The subject then turned to what us lot were like as babies. I was always eating and crying and pooing everywhere. It’s all lies! I was the cutest baby ever! And I was such a goody little girly wirly! Ooh, once, once, once guess what some aunty of mine did?! Because I (apparently) used to eat all the time, she put a banana (or was it some roti?) in front of me, then she held my arms back so I couldn’t get it. So what did clewver likkle me do? I just stretched my neck and grabbed it with my mouth.

I was an ace baby.

Now I must go downstairs because there is a Shah Rukh Khan movie on. Yay!

Love, Falak